Giving thanks

Today is Thanksgiving, and a good opportunity to reflect on what one is thankful for.  So here is my list:

1.  Life.

We don’t typically think about this much, but I do.  I nearly committed suicide at 21, and again at 32 – and ever since the first time, I have seen my life as a gift.  As far as I’m concerned, I died then, and was given back my life by the kindness of several people, including strangers.  Life is a great blessing, and we don’t appreciate it often enough.

2.  Mental health.

I am grateful for this every day.  Without the medications I’m taking, I experience severe effects from the bipolar disorder: visions of being horribly tortured, mental pain akin to having all my skin sanded off with sandpaper, a general sense of being in acute danger, and becoming compulsively suicidal.  I’ve had days when I couldn’t leave the house, days when I couldn’t even eat.  They don’t all happen all the time (though they often do), and I’m aware that they’re not “real” (rational), but that doesn’t stop them from being extremely unpleasant.  I am genuinely surprised that I managed to survive 20 years of being undiagnosed, because the effects on quality of life are severe.  And I’m one of the fortunate ones; the mortality rate for my brand of bipolar disorder is very high, and a lot of us wind up homeless.  I survived, and friends have kept me going.

Fortunately, modern science is a wonderful thing, and I have two medications that together keep it pretty much entirely under control.  For the last five years, I have had essentially no symptoms.  This is also a great gift, for which I am truly grateful.  Every day.

3. Physical health.

I have friends who are in wheelchairs, who have crippling knee problems, or who have Addison’s disease, Crohn’s disease, or cancer.  I am grateful to have a body that is healthy, and does pretty much what I want it to.

4.  Friends.

I didn’t have many of these in high school, but ever since college I’ve been surrounded by people who genuinely care for me, and without whom I would not be alive.  I am grateful to have them in my life.

5. Family.

I was lucky enough to be born into a family where education is prized, where my intelligence, curiosity, and creativity were encouraged.  While my childhood was far from happy (my mom and dad fought a lot, and my dad had struggles with alcoholism), my parents cared about me, and did their best to give me every opportunity.  That’s more than a lot of kids get.

6.  Creativity, and the money to express it freely.

I have a wickedly creative and funny streak in me, for which I am grateful, and a considerable tolerance for risk.  That has allowed me to express myself in all sorts of humorous and artistic ways.

But I also have a well-paying job that allows me to free myself from (most) budget concerns, without which I could not fling myself into arias in so many different fields.  I am extremely grateful for that.  I’m not wealthy but I am comfortable, and that’s a wonderful thing.

7.  The ability to notice, and appreciate, all the things with which I am blessed.  Many people focus only on what they don’t have.  This makes them much less happy.

Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope you all enjoy your day.